


Alex and Yassen ANGST/DEATH FICLETS

by theyre_my_babies



Series: Alex Rider: Five Times Alex and Yassen Were In Love [7]
Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Poetry, Tragedy, Triggers, You know what you're getting yourself into, i'm too emotionally tired to lie to you about what this is going to be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 01:25:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5438345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyre_my_babies/pseuds/theyre_my_babies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ficlets which take place in my Alex/Yassen 5 + 1 'verse, but which are not actually part of it (yet).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Two More Minutes

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter Summary: Yassen gets a call at work. He's not supposed to take it - he does anyway.

“One venti white chocolate mocha, extra whip, one tall soy Sugar Plum Fairy, and two raspberry cheesecake?” Yassen asked. The customer gave confirmation. “That’ll be-”

Yassen’s phone - which, technically, he was not supposed to have on him at work, but had anyways since Alex was on mission in northern Russia and he couldn’t be there - rang in his pocket. The ringtone and caller ID were Alex’s.

“Uh, £10.19,” Yassen said, distantly. He answered the call. “Princess?”

 _“Yassen, hi.”_ Alex’s voice sounded - just a little strange.

“Alex, is everything alright?” Yassen asked.

Alex made a sound between a cough and a laugh. _“Y. Yeah. Yassen - I love you.”_

“I - love you too, Alex.”

 _“No, I mean - yeah.”_ Alex laughed again. _“Yeah. But I meant - I_ love _you, Yassen. Okay? You know that? You know that I… I love you?”_

Yassen, by now more than concerned, took the last customer’s money and handed them their order, and signalled to his manager that he was taking a break. “Of course I know you love me, Alex,” he said. “Please, Alex. What is this-?”

 _“You’ve got the... prettiest eyes,”_ Alex said, suddenly and then coughed again. _“Yassen- please talk to me. Don’t... don’t ask, just - talk.”_

Yassen took a breath and looked out the window of the store, into the holiday traffic. “It’s afternoon, here. Almost Christmas. The sky is cloudy, but all the streets and shops are well-lit to make up for it, so it’s very cheery. Still, you’ve been gone a few days now, and I miss you. I bought your Christmas gift yesterday. I hope you like it; I saw it and thought of you. I think of you a lot, but-”

 _“Thank you.”_ Alex sighed. _“Yassen, I love you. I’m sure I’d… love anything you-”_

There was suddenly a very loud noise on Alex’s end, and then silence.

Yassen left his phone on the windowsill by his table and left the shop without speaking to anyone. On the sidewalk out front, hands in his pockets, he looked up at the sky, gaze distant - seeing things far away, in colder, dismaler places.

“Goodbye, Alex.”

_two more minutes, just give me_  
two more minutes  
let me look into your eyes for two more minutes  
tell my lies for two more minutes  
please  
just two more minutes  
give me two more minutes before i die 


	2. Don't Say (We Have Come Now To the End)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex talks to Yassen. Yassen doesn't reply.

Alex frowned at the sky outside the window next to him as he pulled the sleeves of his hoodie to cover the backs of his hands and his knuckles. The sleeves didn’t extend far enough to warm his chilled fingers.

“I hate January,” he said to Yassen. “Too damn cold.”

He waited for a moment, and when Yassen didn’t reply, rose from his seat on the couch to go to the kitchen in search of warm beverages.

There were dishes still in the sink from the past three days - that day, and the two before it. Alex glanced at them, then the counter - bare but for a lone, stained coffeepot and a couple of grease marks - and sighed, then turned and opened the fridge.

They hadn’t been grocery shopping in awhile, so the cool shelves were beginning to empty, as well. A few cans of Coke, something slimy and unidentifiable in the back corner at the bottom, a jar of minced garlic, the last dregs of a bottle of salad dressing. Alex shook his head.

“Do you even know how sad the state of your fridge is,” Alex muttered under his breath. “Yassen,” he called. “We really have to get groceries tomorrow.”

A brief knock at the door; the creak of the unoiled hinges as Ben (the only other person who ever stopped by this apartment, anymore) entered, unconcerned about actually getting a response.

“Alex, you here?” Ben called, toeing his shoes off by the door.

“In the kitchen,” Alex replied. “You didn’t bring anything edible, by any chance, did you?”

Ben shook his head, coming to lean against the counter between the kitchen and the living room. “Don’t suppose you took a shower at any point since I was here yesterday?”

“Nope. _Damn_ , we need to get groceries. Also, _damn_ , it’s cold in here.”

“Not _that_ cold,” Ben disagreed, “but have you considered something hot to drink, blankets, or turning up the heat?”

Alex’s eyes widened. “ _That’s_ what I came in here for!” he said. He turned to the cabinet where they kept the tea bags.

Stilled with his fingers around the handle.

Swallowed.

Turned back to Ben, slowly.

Bit his lip.

Ben waited, awareness heightened since Alex’s pause at the handle.

“I… wanted him to bring me a cup,” Alex said, soft and strained. “He’s… not going to, is he?”

Ben shook his head minutely.

“I know,” Alex acknowledged, nodding.

Ben eyed him cautiously. “Do you?”

Alex closed his eyes harshly, firmly blinked a few times. “He’s not coming home.”

“No.”

“I just… wanted to warm up my fingers,” Alex said. “Ben, my hands are so cold.”

Ben raised an eyebrow. Alex, eyes pleading, breath stifled, sunk down the cupboards to curl up, knees to his chest, arms wrapped around them.

“His hands were always warm, Ben,” Alex whispered. “He always held my hands when I was cold. Or he gave me something hot to drink, and my hands would warm up from holding the cup.”

Ben swallowed. “Would you like me to make you a cup of tea, Alex?”

Alex bit his lip and shook his head. “I want him to come back,” he said. He shook his head. “But he’s not going to.”

“No. He’s not.”

Alex sighed and breathed into his arms for a minute. Then he looked up at Ben again.

He shifted, put a hand against the floor, and weakly stood.

“I’m going to go take a shower,” he said faintly.

Ben watched him turn and walk slowly towards the apartment’s small bathroom, one hand pressing against the wall to support him the whole time.

“Alex,” he said quietly, as Alex reached the door.

Alex paused.

“I’ll be on the couch, if you need anything.”

Alex nodded, and went to cleanse himself.


	3. In the Absence (of my spirit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yassen has. like a depressive episode. Alex helps.

Alex looked around his and Yassen’s unofficially part-time-shared apartment and felt a look of dismay come upon his face.

“Yassen?” he called, questioningly. “Are you home?”

Usually, when Alex had been gone for a few days, he came home to see the apartment covered in origami - all kinds of colors, patterns, shapes, sizes. It always disappeared or was replaced within a week - Alex had no idea what happened to the old collections, but he was pretty sure Yassen didn’t throw them away - but this time, he came home to… nothing. And as far as Alex knew, Yassen hadn’t been away while he was on mission, so coming home to an apparently empty house was… disturbing.

Alex walked further into the house. He wasn’t especially on guard - nothing looked out of place, except for the lack of origami.

“Yassen?” Alex said, seeing him lying on his side on the couch, face towards the couch’s back and eyes closed. “What’s wrong?”

Yassen’s eyes scrunched and he turned to lie on his face, but didn’t speak.

Alex set his bag down by the side of the couch. “Yassen?” he asked softly, gently resting a hand on Yassen’s shoulder. “I’m home.”

“Hi,” Yassen finally mumbled. “I know.”

Alex glanced around the apartment and into the kitchen. He turned back to Yassen, and took stock.

“Honey Love, have you changed or eaten since I’ve been gone?” Alex asked gently. “Have you showered?”

Yassen shook his head, barely.

“Could you eat a little now that I’m back?”

Yassen attempted a shrug of his shoulders.

“I’m going to go change, and then I’m going to get some food. I’m going to bring you some fruit, too - those apples I bought on Tuesday should still be good,” Alex said.

When Alex returned, in sweatpants and tank top and with plates in hand, Yassen was just as he’d left him.

Alex sighed. “Honey Love, I brought you an apple. It’s cut up in little pieces, and there’s also peanut butter.”

Yassen slowly squirmed so that he was curled up in the corner of the couch and facing Alex. “Thank you,” he mumbled, taking the offered food.

Alex sat on the other end of the couch, facing Yassen, and was about to take a bite of his chicken nuggets until he noticed how Yassen was simply staring at his plate.

“We could be - dinner buddies?” Alex suggested slowly. Yassen looked at him. “I’ll count to three and then we’ll take a bite at the same time.”

Yassen took a moment but then nodded, and Alex began counting off. “One… Two… Three… Bite,” Alex said, and as he’d hoped, they both ate.

Somehow, Alex got Yassen through his entire apple that way. He was relieved that it had worked. This had never happened with Yassen before that Alex knew of - though it was possible that it had happened before Alex took up a significant portion of his time. After Ian’s death, Alex had sometimes had episodes where he couldn’t work up energy to move or take care of himself, and Jack would do things with him to get him to function. After Jack’s death, the episodes had become more frequent, and the Pleasures hadn’t known how to help him. But he’d felt comfortable enough with Ben to share what helped, and now he was using Jack’s techniques to help Yassen.

Alex got Yassen into the bath, and washed his hair - he wasn’t going to try to get Yassen to shower on his own just yet, or to hold Yassen up and wash him - and then washed himself, then got them both in clothes to sleep in and got to bed.

And in the morning, if Yassen chose to talk about whatever had triggered his episode, Alex would listen with open ears. Otherwise, he would just keep on, and keep an eye out for Yassen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this basically happened to me, the depressive episode thing? right before i wrote this. it was a while back now. i like couldn't write or draw and i dont remember but i was. not going to eat im pretty sure. but none of my family noticed? idk. anyways, my sister and two-year-old niece called us on skype and we did the dinner buddies thing bcos apparently she didnt want to eat either? and that was how i started feeling more ok. anyway depression is awful and two-year-olds are a gift. have a good night.


	4. When a Child Dies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex comes home from a mission and he's not okay.

Alex comes home from a mission in October and Yassen quickly realizes something is wrong. Alex is only sleeping an hour or two a night. He's wandering aimlessly around the apartment; checking the fridge but never getting anything out of it. He's not eating regularly - makes himself a cup of black instant coffee every few hours and nibbles on candy, but expresses no interest in anything of substance. He's coming directly back home from school instead of staying out with his friends, and he's not checking in at the Bank.

Three days after Alex came home, Yassen sits down next to him on the sofa and moves to press their sides together. Alex leans into him, just slightly, but that's the only response he shows.

“What happened?” Yassen asks quietly.

Alex shudders and suddenly he shifts, turns and presses his face into the crook of Yassen’s neck. Yassen can feel his tears and snot wetting his skin and the collar of his shirt, hear his sobs, feels the dry heaves forcing their way out of his throat, and he only presses Alex closer to him.

After several minutes Alex mostly manages to shove back his cries.

“There-” - a sob interrupts him - “-there was a boy,” he says. “He was - he was strapped to - a time bomb, I couldn't - I couldn't make it in time. I only spoke to him for a few minutes, he - thought I was coming to save him. He trusted me, Yassen, and I let him down, he died alone. He was - he was only five, Yassen.”

Yassen feels his eyes welling up with tears, lets it happen. Calmly lets the tears slide down his cheeks as he tightens his grip on Alex.

“Why did he have to die?” Alex sobs, voice cracking, muffled in Yassen's shoulder. “He - it’s not _fair _, he was just a kid, he wasn't involved! Why him? Why did a kid have to die?”__

__Yassen shakes his head. “I don't know,” he reveals. “Sometimes - sometimes kids die, Alex.”_ _

__“I couldn't save him. All my training, everything I’ve been through, and I couldn't - I couldn't save him.” Alex sobs harshly into Yassen's shoulder._ _

__“But you gave him hope,” Yassen says. “You did something special for him, you gave him comfort. You did everything in your power for him.”_ _

__Alex coughs. He keeps crying into Yassen's shoulder, silently now. Yassen rubs his back._ _

__“I know,” he murmurs. “I know.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tag yourself im alex

**Author's Note:**

> Related things on YouTube (aka, For More Pain and Feelings and Death):  
> -Robin's death in Batman: Under the Red Hood https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJCAAETRfc0  
> -Kirk's death in Star Trek: Into Darkness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ymcq7BNgiI  
> -Vader's death in Return of the Jedi https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNDwCsFzS8c  
> -Thorin's death in The Battle of the Five Armies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZy76vhS-PA  
> -Sherlock's death in The Reichenbach Fall https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UxpbwZt4yU
> 
> btw it's not in the story really but the gift that yassen got for alex was an engagement ring i think


End file.
